Releasing Past Wounds as You Create Your Life

Prefer talking? Listen to this post on the Brave Rebirth Podcast. 

You've probably heard the phrase life imitates art. I announced a couple weeks ago that I'm putting out my book, So You Wanna Burn Your Life Down, at the end of November 2022 and if you ever thought you would put out a book in your life, you can imagine that this feels like a really big deal to actualize that dream.

And at the same time, I have felt that as I'm writing this book I am having to work through the steps of burning my life down on my own as I'm writing it.

In this, I've observed how we burn our lives down in really big, big ways (example: divorce, major career change, coming out as queer) and also in ways that are less flashy (but still extremely significant).

It does feel like a significant shift is happening for me as I'm writing the book. As I'm structuring everything and writing the pieces that connect the whole story together, I'm having to center back into why is this step of burning your life down important?

And the only way to really communicate that to my readers is through embodying the step and physically and emotionally experiencing the step again.

These steps are not just one time things. They are repeatable and actionable steps we can take, whether we’re ready to throw in the towel on our long-term relationship or just want to get out of the cycle of doubting ourselves.

This week specifically I was reminded of the importance of checking in with our inner child and wounds from the past as we are envisioning the life we'd like to create.

Part of the reason this is important is that we can really only envision what we feel safe to envision. This is something I have definitely felt this week as I feel myself shifting towards being a full-time writer and creator, which feels really scary and activating to me even though that's what I've envisioned since I was a child.

As so many creative people do, we get older when we consider our big vision for what our creative life would look like, maybe we didn't achieve it on the timeline we expected and we felt that we weren't good enough to continue (thanks to the loudness of our deepest inner critics). But now we do want to connect more deeply to our vision, yet we feel held back by past wounds.

So when people hear this, they often wonder, how do you let go of past wounds?

How to Let Go of Past Wounds

I would turn that question into: how does the past inform our future?

Everything moves in cycles. This advice to be aware of the past is not purely coming from a focus on healing wounds or even trauma. The reality is that we have patterns and cycles in our lives that repeat. Astrology is the art and science of understanding those patterns and how they will cycle throughout someone’s life. You can use these astrological techniques to predict the outcomes of events but you can also use them to identify a pattern or thought belief that someone is returning to in their lives.

One of the things that I love about this model is that it takes away the pressure to ever be fully healed from something. The cyclical process of nature shows us that we will never be completely done with something. It will always recycle. It doesn’t always look the same though—and it’s through our own healing work that we change the expression and effect of those cycles.

If you are someone who has trauma, which we all do, that prospect can be a little frustrating or even scary in some regard because you might afraid that the exact circumstances that occurred in the past will happen again. As someone who experiences anxiety and engages the world through a fear-based lens frequently, what I've found interesting is that anxiety can work in a similar way where we are so focused on our fears of what we think will happen that we end up creating frustrating experiences as a result of focusing on our fears. Ultimately, I believe that understanding this cyclical nature of life will help you trust your intuition and yourself.

If you are someone who is committed to living a life that is aligned with your Soul, then you probably know that there are phases or chapters of your sacred work. Your own healing is a reflection of the sacred work you will do in your lifetime, and it is through your own healing that you find what you are meant to share and create with the world.

When we reconnect with the past and we see the ways that we have protected ourselves, how we have solved problems, and what informed our choices, then we are able to see clues about what we are meant to heal and share in the future (which is how we implement our sacred work).

Reflect on the Past

Remembering where you’ve come from reminds you how much you have grown and learned, and as an adult you can identify the needs that weren’t met at prior ages and give them to yourself now.

This is where I personally think astrology can be so helpful. Using astrology, we can find many times in our current lifetime that connect to each other.

Here you can download a PDF that includes a simple list of ages where you might notice repeating patterns.

Find the age you currently are and see the ages when you've had the same part of your chart activated as you do right now (you don't actually need your astrological chart to do this exercise, all you need is to know your current age).

Reflect on how you solved these issues in the past. If you could go back to this former age, what advice would you give yourself? What would you change?

Reconnecting With Inner Child

For a variety of reasons, past memories can be challenging for some people. When you look at the ages that are connected to your current age, do you have clear memories, or is it hard to reconnect to that time in your life?

Sometimes it’s difficult to reconnect to past memories purely because we were infants. For other people, if you experienced a lot of instability or significant traumatic events, you might not have memories from those ages. This is all absolutely okay and not anything that you need to judge. One of my favorite ways to reconnect to myself at younger ages is to listen to music from that time. You could Google popular songs during that year and see if there’s anything that stands out to you. Music is deeply related to memory and evokes so many emotions, so that could be really helpful.

I also think so much of what we remember about ourselves as children is also filtered through the eyes of the people around us, so it can be challenging to differentiate what we felt or how we experienced something and what we were told about how we reacted to or experienced the situation. Especially if you weren’t able to verbally express how you felt about something.

I also like conducting interviews with younger parts of myself, which I explain more on my blog and in the free Reading Your Inner Family Tarot Class.

Being Led By What Lights You Up

Revisiting the past isn’t just about identifying the wounds that need to be healed (and the parts that might activated). It’s also noticing patterns in where your energy tends to flow naturally and making plans to follow it.

So what did you use to create magic in your life at those ages? What were the skills that you were developing that you use now or that you could reconnect to? What are some things that you desired at those ages?

So often the barriers we have in our minds about why something isn’t possible are just that—mental constructs. Barriers and limitations require creativity to overcome. When we get clear on what we need to focus on in order to become the character we need to be to see the change we want in our lives and we get clear on what’s in the way PLUS what is in our control to change, we can very quickly move from feeling stuck to feeling empowered to take action and change the course of our lives.

For each tool you wanted to create magic with, for the skill that you are called to develop, and for the list you created about what you want for your life, go through each bullet point and ask yourself:

Why can’t I have this right now?

Notice if you were told you couldn't have what you want or need at some point in your life, and how you might be maintaining that belief. 

OR—notice if you are maintaining a belief that you need to be fixed in order to motivate you in your life. If you rely on proving your value over being led by what genuinely excites you, you will inevitably arrive at a point where you feel that you want to burn your life down—but it doesn't always mean a big external change must happen. Sometimes the changes are more internal shifts about how you see yourself, which is exactly where I find myself in the writing process right now.